Blog

Every trainer faces disruptive delegates, but real progress comes from blending relationship skills, practical tools, and the wisdom of books like “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and “Crucial Conversations.”

This blog shares candid stories of trial, error, and growth - from handling Dominators and Chronic Complainers to harnessing group dynamics and peer support. Discover actionable strategies and frameworks that turn disruption into development. What’s your go-to technique for handling tricky delegates? Dive in and share your story! 

Lessons in Handling Challenging Delegates 

If my early days in training were about spotting disruptive types, the next chapter of my career was all about learning to handle them sometimes gracefully, sometimes with a little trial and error. Well, more often, error in fairness.

What I quickly realised is that no single approach works for everyone. The real magic comes from blending relationship skills with influencing skills alongside practical tools, lessons from fellow trainers, and wisdom from books like “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and “Difficult Conversation” and “Crucial Conversations.”

Learning by Doing (and failing)

There was the session where I tried to out-talk a Dominator, the one who answers every question (sometimes before you’ve finished asking), only to lose the group’s focus. Or the time I ignored a Chronic Complainer, the one who finds fault in everything, the chairs, the coffee and the content, hoping they’d quieten down, which only made their grumbles louder.

Each mistake was a lesson: avoidance rarely works, and confrontation without structure can backfire.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

After a particularly tough workshop, I revisited one of my favourite books “How to win friends” by Dale Carnegie. An oldie and a very very good one. I was reminded that of the main 21 human relationship principles the only one that is a “Don’t” is the very first one = Don’t criticise, condemn or complain. So, I determined there and then, never to fight negative with negative.

The second principle is "Give" honest and sincere appreciation and the third is "Arouse" in the other person an eager want.

In applying those HR Principles my Dominator Strategy became something like 'When facing a Dominator', acknowledge their input genuinely “You’ve clearly got a lot of experience here, and I appreciate you sharing your perspective. When we’ve heard from some of the others I’d like to come back to you to help us summarise the insights, is that OK?”

From “Difficult Conversations” I learnt to practise recognising “intent” with the Chronic Complainers rather than avoid them or try and shut them down. My strategy became more like “Thank you for bringing that wobbly chair to my attention, I can sense you want to keep everyone safe. Apart from moving it to the side of the room and putting a warning sign not to use on it, would you suggest any other measure for now?”

Sometimes it took a Contrasting Statement to calm the choppy water like “John. I do not want to annoy you or frustrate you by stepping in while you are talking because your contributions are valuable. While I do want to hear from others on this point to get a range of ideas. Is that OK?”

Sometimes it took a Mutual Purpose to re-direct the energy like, “You’ve clearly got a lot of experience here, and I appreciate you sharing your perspective. Our purpose here is to make this session valuable for everyone by considering as many perspectives as possible. Who else has some ideas to add into the mix?”

Overtime I developed more confidence by blending Relationship Skills with conversational frameworks and the more I used this approach and these techniques the more natural they came across. Usually, once tension is eased the group found its rhythm. Being direct, empathetic, and practical will help you keep the group engaged and the session productive.

Borrowing from Colleagues

I also learned the value of peer support. Over coffee, a fellow trainer, Richard Lock shared how he uses a ground rules collaborative exercise at the start of the session, where the group of delegates debate, agree and then write up the “Ground Rules” on a flip chart which he then puts up at the front of the room for the remainder of the programme. A visual reminder of something the whole group sign up to.

Richard also taught me the value of another flip chart, the “Parking Space” for when a topic becomes to dominate or negative and you need to get the group to move. Introduce the  “Parking Space” flip chart concept after the “Ground Rules” exercise and explain if we get stuck on one topic for too long it will get listed there to come back to later. And often you never do have to go back to it, because other parts of the programme provide the answer, or initial tension passes and no one wants to go back to it.

From Walter Blackburn I learned the value of assessing a role to a “Complainer” One complainer told me off for asking “Does that make sense?” too often, so I asked him to hold up a red post-it note if I said it again. The first to complain about the “heating” I assign the “temperature guide”.

Reflection

With time, I’ve learned that handling disruptive delegates isn’t about delivering a perfect session. It’s about staying curious, using sound relationship skills and influencing skills along with evidence-based tools and conversational frameworks. As well as never being afraid to ask for help.

See every challenging delegate is a chance to grow, as a trainer and as a person.

What’s your go-to technique for handling disruption? Let’s swap stories!